Do NOT Blame Your Rebound Lover 4 Breaking Your Heart

 So one of the big big big themes in my life this year of 2020 was not covid but codependency.  I guess I probably shouldn't make corona jokes just yet as I am currently self-quarentined at home while I wait for my test results to get back - yeah, I was SUPER SICK this week like HOLY F but I am feeling MUCH BETTER now and my ex-husband is convinced that it was just a sinus infection and that I am a wimp.  And he - might be right!!!  Hope so!  Because even though the house needs it, I don't really feel like covid cleaning.  lol, whatever that means!  Anyways, I am not very good at being sick or having pain in my throat or..... yeah, being alone.  ALTHOUGH I AM GETTING BETTER AT THAT TOO 4 SURE.

But relationship-wise, yeah, I prefer to not be alone.  Not that I don't adore and cherish alone time - I can definitely hang out with me, myself and I like a champ - but not having an intimate partner kills me.  And that is exactly what happened this year.  I died.  I went without a lover for so long, it killed me, I fucking died, and from those mutherfucking ashes... Well you know the story.  I picked my ass up, arose from the ashes and ABRACADABRA - anew mutherfucking me.  Classic fairy tale.  I THOUGHT I NEEDED A LOVER TO HEAL.  I was mistaken.  I tried that path for a few weeks only to pour salt on the wound.  Salt is healing.  At first it stung, and took my breath away and disoriented my reality even more.... I gave my rebound WAY TOO MUCH CREDIT for breaking my heart.  Bitch please, that thing was already broken.  Now we pound the broken pieces into dust and with our tears make mud and rebuild it stronger with a HUGE OPENING to allow EVEN MORE LOVE IN.  But with conditions.  Not more mortal men folk love.  Love only from Source now.  Sustainable love.  Love without conditions.  Love minus illusions.  REAL LOVE.  Real eternal love in and out and in and out and in and out all mutherfucking day like I was designed for.... THAT is what has healed me.

So seeing, recognizing and dealing with these codependency issues... has made me realize A LOT of things: my self-worth, my connection to God, my ability to LOVE BiG 4 REAL, my personal debunking of the lack mentality belief that I will die without dick.  OH GIRL - if that were true - YOU'D BE DEAD BY NOW!!!!  lol apparently THAT is not true hahahahahahahahahahaha

Reading THE COURSE IN MIRACLES has pried my eyes OPEN even more to the EGO ILLUSION that inflicts itself upon all of my relationships - especially the "special relationship" that I've been conditioned somehow to think that I NEED... and WANT.... I mean, this mutherfucking ACIM book is a REALITY SHREDDER 4 SURE and I am sooooooooooooooooooooo happy to be reading it.  I look forward to each part, each new chapter, and I am committed to doing the 365 lessons in 2021 to COMPLETELY DISSOLVE  the rest of this codependent bullshit I have crazily created for myself.  Yeah.  So I don't mean to knock or take away anything from anyone but.....  I wasn't actually crazy about you man... Turns out....  I'm just crazy.  Like, insane crazy.  Because it IS insanity to think I will ever find the love I am looking for in a man.  THAT has to come from within me from the BiG SOURCE and that FEELS WONDERFUL to me to feel myself coming into that knowing.  Now of course, because I AM HUMAN (lol) And because I love being beyond honest..... I still hope and pray that I don't stay on this dick-free-diet forever. 

Is there A Course in Miracles dating site?? 

hahahahahaa, JK  nooooo rush on that lol